Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
