with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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