do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
