Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
high people should be assigned attendants
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
