Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize