he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
