good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
