I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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