i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
