he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
