There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
