I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
