Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
