they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
