# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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