Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
