Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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