im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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