i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize