Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
