so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
