***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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