I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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