are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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