You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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