if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize