can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
