just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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