My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
