It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
