i love accidental penises.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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