i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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