Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
