we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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