OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
