i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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