Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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