Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
