I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
