My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
