Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
