mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they need to just BURY HIM!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
