Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
