A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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