Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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