My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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