You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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