One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
