Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
