I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my vagina is haunted
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize