You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
