look no pants
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
