just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
