So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
