Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
