Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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