I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
