DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
