So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We left the knife in your bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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