so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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