She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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