I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
