she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
