Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
