Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You took a bar mat shot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
